Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
