If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
