My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
