I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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