Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
