I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
