I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
