This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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