The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
