who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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