I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
