yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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