I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They took my balls.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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