After last night, I could never be a politician.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
