idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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