I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
