Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
