My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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