Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
