So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
