I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
