I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
