I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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