where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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