She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
