You just made me feel so damn special
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
