:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
