Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
