When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
