I met the friendliest cop last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
