Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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