i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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