I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
