there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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