I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
