Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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