Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
