I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
