I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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