if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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