So gin and wine won't be happening again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
