i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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