Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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