it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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