I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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