the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
