you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
