I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
