Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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