The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
