people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
