Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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