I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
